hmm....

What can be said...decisions, decisions, decisions....In 95, things were so clear; I thought I would go to school, become a teacher, and hit the road on weekends...yea right!

So, I'm a good 7 years removed from living in Omaha (the 2002 adventure) and really more like 14 years removed from living and being a part of this community. However, this time, I'm an adult, and with responsibility, and with a job. Progressive is not a word I would use to describe this city.

There is something about self-hate and self loathing in and of this city. Now being "Black" I have done much to exercise the hate from my self. I believe it began early in life with books introduced from my mother, a cd and book of speeches by Malcolm X from my father, and the introduction of poetry from my 8th grade English teacher Ms. Mobley. However in all the research and reading that I have done, I have not been able to apply the theories to this situation.

There is something about lifting up the mainstream, and not loving the stream of Omaha. Now I will be the first to admit, there are many talented people here; buisiness people, educators, artist, writers, and muscians. However, Omahans will spend $30-$100 a ticket for a national artist, but won't spend $10 for a show of local acts. It is amazing; we complain, but won't go to our mayor, or city council, or protest by any means. We support locally very little, but continue to drown in this mainstream.

Now this delima has me all in knots. Should I stay and fight the good fight, the fight for these people to love themselves, or go on, leave and begin my life--find a wife, get a house and have some kids. Lately the lean has been 365 more days ... and that being from late May/early June.

All I can really say in retrospect is that I have done the work, I have continued the fight, but I am not sure if I can be the leader, if one will rise up from this rubble. It is what it is.